My F@$#ing Cancer Blog

For all of you with a New Year's Resolution, I am proud to announce that as of January 1st, I am back within Navy weight regulations!! Boo-yah. I didn't waste time getting that one knocked out. Ask me for my secret. In my last post, I mentioned that the dreaded beard loss had begun. Well, the fallout happened rather rapidly once it started. I am still seeing some loss, but it seems to have plateaued. I am now faced with the hairy decision of how to style my radiation-sculpted hair scarf. Naturally, I turn to the most reliable source available for sound advice, the inter webs. I can’t trust other sources to stay away from “Beardy McBeardface” type suggestions for my new permanent solution. The internet has never let me down. Here is where we started: Gotta say, That is one good looking man! And now this is where we are now: While the change in glasses was a bold choice and the Chemo Acne and Radiation Burn highlights are a nice touch, I am not sure that the ch...

Comments from Carmen will be in RED ... It has been a few weeks since I wrote an update, so I thought it was time. We have completed 5 of the 8 chemotherapy sessions, so we are on the homestretch with my spa days. The radiation sessions have lived down to advertisement as the more challenging aspect of my treatments, and we have only completed 15 of 35 treatments. This is primarily a rundown of what life is like: The only noticeable effect from the chemotherapy has been a resurgence of my early teenage skin quality. The acne which was such a chick magnet in high school (magnetically repulsive that is) combined with my highly unstable voice have made me feel like a teenager again. Here's where Ryan really let his nerdy flag fly! From an engineering standpoint the radiation treatments are fascinating. As I discussed before they lay me flat on my back and use my custom mask to lock my head into place. The technicians then take a couple of minutes to align my body properly....

Chemo! Treatment #5 of 8 is done! One of the side effects we are seeing is  an acne like rash. It's like being a teenager all over again only without the energy levels. I hate to be such a scrooge but January can't get here fast enough! He's been having a hard time eating and swallowing and has realized that having a feeding tube is necessary. I've been giving him multivitamins every morning with his breakfast. First, the regular horse pill kind, then we went to a mint chewable. That didn't last long. A few days ago, we switched to the gummies. That didn't work long at all! This morning he said it felt like he had eaten a ghost pepper. My next line of attack is the liquid form. I already know that whatever flavor additives they put in them is going to be too much, so my plan is to add them into his morning shakes. He thinks they all taste like ass, so what's a little more flavor going to hurt. About those shakes.. at first they were just i...

11 December 2017 Last week saw the start of Ryan’s radiation treatment. According to Ryan, treatment itself wasn’t so bad. From my perspective, he’s not back there very long. Other than looking a little sunburned, he didn’t really experience any side effects for the first couple days. By Friday he was starting to feel the dry mouth, a little sore throat, and a major headache that seemed to persist the weekend. I have noticed his decrease in appetite. Don’t get me wrong, he’s still eating. This morning he noted that it was getting a little harder to swallow. I have started a journal in order to keep track of things like his weight, how he feels, and what all he eats. Idealistically, he would take about 3000 calories in. Realistically, the most he’s eaten is about 2300 and that had decreased every day. This morning after his treatment, we got to talk with the doctor and dietician about any questions we may have and update him on any side effects we have seen. I didn’t know we would b...

We knew that we were on a time limited participation block with the major portion of Ryan's treatment starting today, so for the past week we have been busting hump on finishing the basement remodeling that we sorta started this past summer. Nothing like a cancer diagnosis to light a fire under your ass! If you haven't seen the Romanian submarine themed pub, click here: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3098783/A-night-s-20-000-leagues-sea-Romanian-submarine-bar-complete-torpedoes-radar-systems-takes-clubbers-journey-deep.html That should give you an idea of the look we are kind of going for. With the kids still living with us, it will take a while before we fully achieve the look we are going for. Like everything else in life, it's a work in progress. So while we wait for the finished product, enjoy these work in progress, transformation pictures. I will post more as we go. Suited up Ready to roll! Protecting the rest of the room to spray...

Tuesday, December 5th, 2017 I am wrapping up the initial week of my treatment. I only had the initial chemo treatment last Wednesday which Carmen discussed earlier. It was much the same from my perspective. Chemotherapy starts with a pre-loading of Benedryl, steroids, and other drugs to counter any allergic reactions that may occur. This pre-loading gave me the sensation that I had always imagined would be the result of being shot with a tranquilizer dart, the sudden and rapid descent from a clear, lucid mind to feeling like I am swimming underwater. The weight on my eyes was unbearably heavy. After a forced nap for about an hour, the grogginess gradually lifted, and I was able to rejoin the world. The staff called that IV injection the "Happy Juice". I didn't care for it. Maybe next time I won't resist as hard as I first tried to. The staff were very friendly and attentive, to the extent that they acknowledged that my feelings of being stared at and watched were no...

We are on our way! 29 November 2017:  So here we are! It's treatment day! I told Ryan that he shouldn't trim his beard at all since Dr Meyer told him it would fall out and never grow back. Let's see how far it goes before it... goes. 😜 We, actually, started off the day at the dentist office. He is making Ryan some fluoride soaking trays to help prevent the dental problems that go with head and neck radiation. After a quick breakfast we rush over to the cancer treatment center... to sit and wait.. and wait... and wait... This fucking sucks😕 Behind every good man stands a wife.. trying to be nosy.. That's all chemo is really, sitting and waiting. They took his blood to check all the important levels, took him back to the back and hook up the IV, then let the pre-chemo meds drip in. I'm not sure what all is in that cocktail but it had a swimming effect! You could see it as it rolled over him. One minute he was social. The next, he was in desperate n...

November 14th: PET scan: A Proton Emission Topography exam consist of injecting flourine-18 fluid into my veins and allowing this radioactive liquid to flow through my body for an hour. They allowed Carmen to sit with me during this time. After this they scanned my body from my shins to my head with a scanner that looked for the beta decay of the fluorine to map out the activity in my body. The mapping process took about 18 minutes during which they were kind enough to provide warmed blankets. This was nice because the process was COLD. The technicians offered blankets for my arms which I foolishly declined because they were freezing during the procedure. As opposed to a MRI scan, this process was very quiet. The radiation dose I received during this one procedure was TWICE the entire ionizing radiation dosage I had received during my 23 years of working in the nuclear power business. No results were available immediately after this exam. I did find it interesting that the results were...

Ryan, July 2016 We are going to do this 2 different ways. First, Ryan will give you the facts of his story and his reaction, then I (Carmen) will add in my thoughts and feelings. My thoughts will always be in green. Ok, Let's go! October 24th 5:07 AM: I'm working hard at the rowing machine next to my wife, Carmen. We had recently rejoined the Knoxville Farragut Orangetheory gym and had been enjoying it immensely. During the warmup period: the stress of the full-bodied pull on the rowing machine made me aware of a different and unusual pressure on the right side of my neck. I paused for a moment to feel the area with my hand and noted a bulge. Turning to Carmen next to me I pointed to it. She gave me the "what are you talking about" look, and I had her stop to feel the lump. After she acknowledged it, and we noted its importance, we continue the hour-long workout.  For me it was a definite, what the fuck is that moment. I knew it wasn't normal and told him...