My F@$#ing Cancer Blog

It has been awhile since I posted in this blog. We primarily shifted updates to the facebook group simply because it is easier to access, but in some ways I like this format better. Our last update was that my July PET scan was clear... with caveats.  As with any cancer, it is important to keep up with regular checkups and scans, which we have been faithfully doing.  I had a chest CT conducted in September which was clear (same minor concerns from July with no changes). The next CT was done in January. I could tell from the tone of voice when the doctor called with the results that it was NOT good. They scheduled me for the next available PET scan to see if there was potential malignant activity. After the scan was done, they told me not leave the building as it was being immediately read. Naturally, I assumed this was to keep up their reputation for outstanding patient service and was no way an indication of the medical urgency 🙄. The next step was a trip to the pulmonol...

11 December 2017 Last week saw the start of Ryan’s radiation treatment. According to Ryan, treatment itself wasn’t so bad. From my perspective, he’s not back there very long. Other than looking a little sunburned, he didn’t really experience any side effects for the first couple days. By Friday he was starting to feel the dry mouth, a little sore throat, and a major headache that seemed to persist the weekend. I have noticed his decrease in appetite. Don’t get me wrong, he’s still eating. This morning he noted that it was getting a little harder to swallow. I have started a journal in order to keep track of things like his weight, how he feels, and what all he eats. Idealistically, he would take about 3000 calories in. Realistically, the most he’s eaten is about 2300 and that had decreased every day. This morning after his treatment, we got to talk with the doctor and dietician about any questions we may have and update him on any side effects we have seen. I didn’t know we would b...

We knew that we were on a time limited participation block with the major portion of Ryan's treatment starting today, so for the past week we have been busting hump on finishing the basement remodeling that we sorta started this past summer. Nothing like a cancer diagnosis to light a fire under your ass! If you haven't seen the Romanian submarine themed pub, click here: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3098783/A-night-s-20-000-leagues-sea-Romanian-submarine-bar-complete-torpedoes-radar-systems-takes-clubbers-journey-deep.html That should give you an idea of the look we are kind of going for. With the kids still living with us, it will take a while before we fully achieve the look we are going for. Like everything else in life, it's a work in progress. So while we wait for the finished product, enjoy these work in progress, transformation pictures. I will post more as we go. Suited up Ready to roll! Protecting the rest of the room to spray...

Tuesday, December 5th, 2017 I am wrapping up the initial week of my treatment. I only had the initial chemo treatment last Wednesday which Carmen discussed earlier. It was much the same from my perspective. Chemotherapy starts with a pre-loading of Benedryl, steroids, and other drugs to counter any allergic reactions that may occur. This pre-loading gave me the sensation that I had always imagined would be the result of being shot with a tranquilizer dart, the sudden and rapid descent from a clear, lucid mind to feeling like I am swimming underwater. The weight on my eyes was unbearably heavy. After a forced nap for about an hour, the grogginess gradually lifted, and I was able to rejoin the world. The staff called that IV injection the "Happy Juice". I didn't care for it. Maybe next time I won't resist as hard as I first tried to. The staff were very friendly and attentive, to the extent that they acknowledged that my feelings of being stared at and watched were no...

Monday, 27 November 2017 Dear Diary,                     What did I do with my day? Well, the day started out like any other. Got the boys up early to get ready to go to school. Took them to the dentist at 0900. Thought I would be out in plenty of time to get them to school before I had them meet Ryan for his 1st appointment at 1030 with the chemo doctor. Boy was I off there! We didn’t get out of the dentist till nearly 1020! Had to call Chad and get him to ride with Ryan to his doctor’s appointment so I could meet him there and do kid swap. Gave him the kids and my car with instructions to feed them and get them to school. That part went fairly smoothly.  Once we got to see the doctor, he starts reiterating what the radiation doctor had stated. It’s going to be awful... worse than awful... he’s friendly enough.. good sense of humor in a pretty dark business. What I’m hearing is awful, terrible, cook you from the inside o...

Everything has been a whirlwind since Ryan noticed that lump. When I called the doctor to get an appointment, they didn't have one the same day. Luckily for us, someone cancelled and we were able to get in that afternoon. I am so thankful that our PA, Christina, recognized that this was not just an infection and sent him for an ultrasound right away. Since then, it feels like we are in hurry up and wait mode. Why oh why do we have to wait till next week for an appointment! Don't they know this is an emergency??  Of course they know.  All their patients are emergencies... I don't care.. I'm feeling selfish.  After meeting with the Radiation Oncologist, I decided that calories in should definitely be more than calories out! The treatment is harsh to the point where eventually his throat will be so sore he won't be able to swallow. While taking treatment, the doctors don't want him to lose too much weight. Eventually, he will have to have a feeding tube ins...

Ryan, July 2016 We are going to do this 2 different ways. First, Ryan will give you the facts of his story and his reaction, then I (Carmen) will add in my thoughts and feelings. My thoughts will always be in green. Ok, Let's go! October 24th 5:07 AM: I'm working hard at the rowing machine next to my wife, Carmen. We had recently rejoined the Knoxville Farragut Orangetheory gym and had been enjoying it immensely. During the warmup period: the stress of the full-bodied pull on the rowing machine made me aware of a different and unusual pressure on the right side of my neck. I paused for a moment to feel the area with my hand and noted a bulge. Turning to Carmen next to me I pointed to it. She gave me the "what are you talking about" look, and I had her stop to feel the lump. After she acknowledged it, and we noted its importance, we continue the hour-long workout.  For me it was a definite, what the fuck is that moment. I knew it wasn't normal and told him...