My F@$#ing Cancer Blog

Comments from Carmen will be in RED ... It has been a few weeks since I wrote an update, so I thought it was time. We have completed 5 of the 8 chemotherapy sessions, so we are on the homestretch with my spa days. The radiation sessions have lived down to advertisement as the more challenging aspect of my treatments, and we have only completed 15 of 35 treatments. This is primarily a rundown of what life is like: The only noticeable effect from the chemotherapy has been a resurgence of my early teenage skin quality. The acne which was such a chick magnet in high school (magnetically repulsive that is) combined with my highly unstable voice have made me feel like a teenager again. Here's where Ryan really let his nerdy flag fly! From an engineering standpoint the radiation treatments are fascinating. As I discussed before they lay me flat on my back and use my custom mask to lock my head into place. The technicians then take a couple of minutes to align my body properly....

Chemo! Treatment #5 of 8 is done! One of the side effects we are seeing is  an acne like rash. It's like being a teenager all over again only without the energy levels. I hate to be such a scrooge but January can't get here fast enough! He's been having a hard time eating and swallowing and has realized that having a feeding tube is necessary. I've been giving him multivitamins every morning with his breakfast. First, the regular horse pill kind, then we went to a mint chewable. That didn't last long. A few days ago, we switched to the gummies. That didn't work long at all! This morning he said it felt like he had eaten a ghost pepper. My next line of attack is the liquid form. I already know that whatever flavor additives they put in them is going to be too much, so my plan is to add them into his morning shakes. He thinks they all taste like ass, so what's a little more flavor going to hurt. About those shakes.. at first they were just i...

11 December 2017 Last week saw the start of Ryan’s radiation treatment. According to Ryan, treatment itself wasn’t so bad. From my perspective, he’s not back there very long. Other than looking a little sunburned, he didn’t really experience any side effects for the first couple days. By Friday he was starting to feel the dry mouth, a little sore throat, and a major headache that seemed to persist the weekend. I have noticed his decrease in appetite. Don’t get me wrong, he’s still eating. This morning he noted that it was getting a little harder to swallow. I have started a journal in order to keep track of things like his weight, how he feels, and what all he eats. Idealistically, he would take about 3000 calories in. Realistically, the most he’s eaten is about 2300 and that had decreased every day. This morning after his treatment, we got to talk with the doctor and dietician about any questions we may have and update him on any side effects we have seen. I didn’t know we would b...

We knew that we were on a time limited participation block with the major portion of Ryan's treatment starting today, so for the past week we have been busting hump on finishing the basement remodeling that we sorta started this past summer. Nothing like a cancer diagnosis to light a fire under your ass! If you haven't seen the Romanian submarine themed pub, click here: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3098783/A-night-s-20-000-leagues-sea-Romanian-submarine-bar-complete-torpedoes-radar-systems-takes-clubbers-journey-deep.html That should give you an idea of the look we are kind of going for. With the kids still living with us, it will take a while before we fully achieve the look we are going for. Like everything else in life, it's a work in progress. So while we wait for the finished product, enjoy these work in progress, transformation pictures. I will post more as we go. Suited up Ready to roll! Protecting the rest of the room to spray...

Tuesday, December 5th, 2017 I am wrapping up the initial week of my treatment. I only had the initial chemo treatment last Wednesday which Carmen discussed earlier. It was much the same from my perspective. Chemotherapy starts with a pre-loading of Benedryl, steroids, and other drugs to counter any allergic reactions that may occur. This pre-loading gave me the sensation that I had always imagined would be the result of being shot with a tranquilizer dart, the sudden and rapid descent from a clear, lucid mind to feeling like I am swimming underwater. The weight on my eyes was unbearably heavy. After a forced nap for about an hour, the grogginess gradually lifted, and I was able to rejoin the world. The staff called that IV injection the "Happy Juice". I didn't care for it. Maybe next time I won't resist as hard as I first tried to. The staff were very friendly and attentive, to the extent that they acknowledged that my feelings of being stared at and watched were no...

We are on our way! 29 November 2017:  So here we are! It's treatment day! I told Ryan that he shouldn't trim his beard at all since Dr Meyer told him it would fall out and never grow back. Let's see how far it goes before it... goes. 😜 We, actually, started off the day at the dentist office. He is making Ryan some fluoride soaking trays to help prevent the dental problems that go with head and neck radiation. After a quick breakfast we rush over to the cancer treatment center... to sit and wait.. and wait... and wait... This fucking sucks😕 Behind every good man stands a wife.. trying to be nosy.. That's all chemo is really, sitting and waiting. They took his blood to check all the important levels, took him back to the back and hook up the IV, then let the pre-chemo meds drip in. I'm not sure what all is in that cocktail but it had a swimming effect! You could see it as it rolled over him. One minute he was social. The next, he was in desperate n...

Monday, 27 November 2017 Dear Diary,                     What did I do with my day? Well, the day started out like any other. Got the boys up early to get ready to go to school. Took them to the dentist at 0900. Thought I would be out in plenty of time to get them to school before I had them meet Ryan for his 1st appointment at 1030 with the chemo doctor. Boy was I off there! We didn’t get out of the dentist till nearly 1020! Had to call Chad and get him to ride with Ryan to his doctor’s appointment so I could meet him there and do kid swap. Gave him the kids and my car with instructions to feed them and get them to school. That part went fairly smoothly.  Once we got to see the doctor, he starts reiterating what the radiation doctor had stated. It’s going to be awful... worse than awful... he’s friendly enough.. good sense of humor in a pretty dark business. What I’m hearing is awful, terrible, cook you from the inside o...

Everything has been a whirlwind since Ryan noticed that lump. When I called the doctor to get an appointment, they didn't have one the same day. Luckily for us, someone cancelled and we were able to get in that afternoon. I am so thankful that our PA, Christina, recognized that this was not just an infection and sent him for an ultrasound right away. Since then, it feels like we are in hurry up and wait mode. Why oh why do we have to wait till next week for an appointment! Don't they know this is an emergency??  Of course they know.  All their patients are emergencies... I don't care.. I'm feeling selfish.  After meeting with the Radiation Oncologist, I decided that calories in should definitely be more than calories out! The treatment is harsh to the point where eventually his throat will be so sore he won't be able to swallow. While taking treatment, the doctors don't want him to lose too much weight. Eventually, he will have to have a feeding tube ins...