My F@$#ing Cancer Blog

We are on our way! 29 November 2017:  So here we are! It's treatment day! I told Ryan that he shouldn't trim his beard at all since Dr Meyer told him it would fall out and never grow back. Let's see how far it goes before it... goes. 😜 We, actually, started off the day at the dentist office. He is making Ryan some fluoride soaking trays to help prevent the dental problems that go with head and neck radiation. After a quick breakfast we rush over to the cancer treatment center... to sit and wait.. and wait... and wait... This fucking sucks😕 Behind every good man stands a wife.. trying to be nosy.. That's all chemo is really, sitting and waiting. They took his blood to check all the important levels, took him back to the back and hook up the IV, then let the pre-chemo meds drip in. I'm not sure what all is in that cocktail but it had a swimming effect! You could see it as it rolled over him. One minute he was social. The next, he was in desperate n

Monday, 27 November 2017 Dear Diary,                     What did I do with my day? Well, the day started out like any other. Got the boys up early to get ready to go to school. Took them to the dentist at 0900. Thought I would be out in plenty of time to get them to school before I had them meet Ryan for his 1st appointment at 1030 with the chemo doctor. Boy was I off there! We didn’t get out of the dentist till nearly 1020! Had to call Chad and get him to ride with Ryan to his doctor’s appointment so I could meet him there and do kid swap. Gave him the kids and my car with instructions to feed them and get them to school. That part went fairly smoothly.  Once we got to see the doctor, he starts reiterating what the radiation doctor had stated. It’s going to be awful... worse than awful... he’s friendly enough.. good sense of humor in a pretty dark business. What I’m hearing is awful, terrible, cook you from the inside out... with every word my anxiety grows.. I’m no longer

Dr Daniel Ibach November 27th: We met with my Oncologist, Dr. Ibach, today. We had a close family member see him for treatment and he came with high expectations.  Our first impression was excellent. He seemed to live up to the billing, easy to talk to, understanding of our concerns, clearly experienced with discussing serious issues in a manner that sets the patients and family at ease. He was able to smoothly transition to a level of conversation that demonstrated a level of understanding of us and our situation. I have, naturally, looked up some readily available documentation on my situation (see   https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3873742/ as an example for a little light reading if you are interested). He reaffirmed my prognosis is excellent based on the pathology report showing strong P-16 indicators. He noted that traditionally patients that presented with head and neck cancers were the hard-living men who haunt the VA and were tougher than nails but with poor ou

November 14th: PET scan: A Proton Emission Topography exam consist of injecting flourine-18 fluid into my veins and allowing this radioactive liquid to flow through my body for an hour. They allowed Carmen to sit with me during this time. After this they scanned my body from my shins to my head with a scanner that looked for the beta decay of the fluorine to map out the activity in my body. The mapping process took about 18 minutes during which they were kind enough to provide warmed blankets. This was nice because the process was COLD. The technicians offered blankets for my arms which I foolishly declined because they were freezing during the procedure. As opposed to a MRI scan, this process was very quiet. The radiation dose I received during this one procedure was TWICE the entire ionizing radiation dosage I had received during my 23 years of working in the nuclear power business. No results were available immediately after this exam. I did find it interesting that the results were

Everything has been a whirlwind since Ryan noticed that lump. When I called the doctor to get an appointment, they didn't have one the same day. Luckily for us, someone cancelled and we were able to get in that afternoon. I am so thankful that our PA, Christina, recognized that this was not just an infection and sent him for an ultrasound right away. Since then, it feels like we are in hurry up and wait mode. Why oh why do we have to wait till next week for an appointment! Don't they know this is an emergency??  Of course they know.  All their patients are emergencies... I don't care.. I'm feeling selfish.  After meeting with the Radiation Oncologist, I decided that calories in should definitely be more than calories out! The treatment is harsh to the point where eventually his throat will be so sore he won't be able to swallow. While taking treatment, the doctors don't want him to lose too much weight. Eventually, he will have to have a feeding tube ins

Ryan, July 2016 We are going to do this 2 different ways. First, Ryan will give you the facts of his story and his reaction, then I (Carmen) will add in my thoughts and feelings. My thoughts will always be in green. Ok, Let's go! October 24th 5:07 AM: I'm working hard at the rowing machine next to my wife, Carmen. We had recently rejoined the Knoxville Farragut Orangetheory gym and had been enjoying it immensely. During the warmup period: the stress of the full-bodied pull on the rowing machine made me aware of a different and unusual pressure on the right side of my neck. I paused for a moment to feel the area with my hand and noted a bulge. Turning to Carmen next to me I pointed to it. She gave me the "what are you talking about" look, and I had her stop to feel the lump. After she acknowledged it, and we noted its importance, we continue the hour-long workout.  For me it was a definite, what the fuck is that moment. I knew it wasn't normal and told him